If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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