i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize