did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
