she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do vagina's smell?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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