He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
