Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
