found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize