He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
