I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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