Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I could make wine with my vomit
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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