is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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