I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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