names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
