Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
