I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
