I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
