Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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