dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
