why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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