I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
