Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
