Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
