2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
