What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
