I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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