I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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