The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
