I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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