I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
