So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
