I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need a beard to bite.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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