Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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