I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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