he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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