I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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