C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
