She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
