I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize