Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
