i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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