I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
