make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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