you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize