I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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