ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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