apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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