I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
