he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
