I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize