Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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