after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
