Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
