chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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