So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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