we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
