I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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