Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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