Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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