i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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