anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
