isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize