my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
