i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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