You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
