...so i touched it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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