Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
