The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
