My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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