you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize