It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
