My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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