Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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