I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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