Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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