Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
