imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
