i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
