She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
