I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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