census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
