I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize