Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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