So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
