so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
