just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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