So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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