oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Mom said you looked used
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
