He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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