is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
