so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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