Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
