Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
