I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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