I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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