I wish I could punch you in the face.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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