Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
