That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
