And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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